Yeomen of the Guard - 2000

OK, so all the serious opera buffs think The Yeomen of the Guard is really cool because it is about a serious subject.  What's the big deal?-- it's about an incompetent comedian who dies on stage.  Even such greats as Henny Youngman did that a few times.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.  Let's take a closer look at this show which seems to be a cross between Les Miz, and a Beefeater Gin commercial.   OK, so the setting and characters are realistic, it also has holes in the plot that you could drive a truck through.  We will try to point them out as we go so you won't be the only one sitting in the audience going, "what the hey...?!"

In the beginning, a handsome rascal name of Fairfax has been accused of sorcery by his cousin in order that the cousin can inherit his fortune.  Sorcery was an "off with his head" offense in those days and while some at the Tower think he has been framed, there is no question that he does dabble in alchemy and he does seem to have a mesmerizing effect on the ladies.

Fairfax is a war hero and coincidentally he twice saved the life of the Sergeant of the Guard, a fellow named Meryll.  The sergeant is wracking his brains trying to think of a way to save Fairfax.  Meryll lives in the Tower with his daughter Phoebe, and when his brain is not on the rack, he kills time evading the amorous advances of Dame Carruthers, a pushy old bat retained to keep the keep tidy.

The good sergeant finally cooks up a plan to save Fairfax from losing his head.  There's no way anyone can get out of the Tower, but it just might be possible for someone to escape within the Tower.  As it turns out, the sergeant's son, "Leonard," is to arrive that day to become a new Beefeater.  The sergeant tells him to hide out in town for a few days and convinces Phoebe to wheedle the head jailor out of the cell keys.

Phoebe is a willing accomplice because she has a girlish crush on Fairfax.  Wilfred Shadbolt, the head jailor, is a willing dupe because he has a boyish crush on Phoebe.

So Fairfax is sneaked out of his cell and dressed up in a bright red Yeoman suit, ready to join the ranks as "Leonard Meryll."

Unbeknownst to the good sergeant and his family, however, Fairfax has cooked up a scheme of his own to frustrate the plans of his evil cousin.

As he was being marched to a new cell, he encountered another old friend who had the misfortune of having too many letters in his name.  He is "Lieutenant Sir Richard Cholmondeley," but you will get to know him simply as "Leftenant Chumly."  Veddy British, don't ya know.   Fairfax asks the leftenant to find him a woman, any woman, choose your woman, to marry before he is beheaded.  The idea is that if he is married, the woman will inherit his fortune rather than the evil cousin.  An since he is to be beheaded within the hour, the woman will walk away a wealthy widow.

Time now to introduce two new major characters.  Picture Woody Allen playing the part of an unemployed Shakespearean-style jester, named Jack Point, with all the bumptious self-confidence that Woody could bring to the role.  Naturally, Diane Keaton is his long-suffering girlfriend, Elsie.

They immediately annoy all the other actors by telling them that they are not allowed to touch Elsie and then they calm them down by singing a very long song about love-lorn loons.

Upon hearing this, the leftenant does a silent "ah ha," and convinces Woody that Diane would make a great wife for a friend of his on death row.  Woody (Point) is easily convinced, but Diane (Elsie) is a bit miffed that Woody (I mean Point) won't ever make a commitment to their long-standing but currently-stalled relationship.  Since this opera takes place pre-Freud, she opts to marry the guy and take the money.

So the leftenant puts a bag over her head and has Shadbolt take her to the dungeon where she is secretly married to Fairfax.

Now cleverly disguised as "Leonard" Meryll, Fairfax is introduced to the Yeomen who sing the praises of his war record.  He of course has to modestly pretend that it was not big thing.  He also gets to pretend that Phoebe is his sister and they are able to engage in more than a bit of brotherly/sisterly hugging in front of everyone.

At this point you may hear that truck driving toward one of the plot holes.  The leftenant who only a few minutes ago greeted Fairfax as an old friend, now doesn't recognize him as "Leonard."  It's the old Clark Kent with glasses syndrome.

In the middle of all this feel-good stuff the bell starts to toll for the execution and Fairfax (the "Leonard") is sent off with the squad to bring in Fairfax (the prisoner).

Hoo Ha!  The Guy is Gone!!

Well!  It's obviously time for an intermission so that we can sort all this out.   Before you go, however, maybe we'd better review who knew what and when did they know it.

No one is better qualified to bust the backside of a Beefeater than Dame Carruthers.   As Act II opens, all of the Warders (including "Leonard") are scurrying about checking every chink for signs of Fairfax.

Jack Point is even more distraught because, not only are his jokes falling flat, his romance is going to be pretty flat until Fairfax is taken care of.

Shadbolt, still under suspicion, is just as anxious for Fairfax to be found.  These two rascals finally put their heads together and come up with (for them) a clever plan.   There is a new secret weapon being tested at the Tower, called the "gun."  Suppose they were to fire a shot in the dark, and claim that they had seen Fairfax starting to swim the river and had shot him?

Meantime (here comes the truck again) Dame Carruthers and her niece "Kate" have overheard Elsie talking in her sleep about a husband who she doesn't know who is to die in an hour.   Kate jots all this down in her little notebook.

Well naturally, the rumor mill has it that this "husband" is none other than Fairfax.   Most think the girl made it all up, but "Leonard," at least, now knows who he is married to.   The next time he runs into Elsie, he switches into "cad" mode and tries to put some moves on her to see if she is faithful to himself.

Suddenly (as they say) a shot rings out.  Yep, it's those scallywags executing their little plan.  Everyone jumps from their beds to see what is the matter.  When out on the lawn there arose such a patter (song, that is), wherein Shadbolt and Point stumble through their ever-popular cock and bull number.

Everyone seems to fall for their line, except of course "Leonard" who, secretly disguised as a mild-mannered Yeoman, is quite certain that he has not been shot in the head while attempting to swim the river.

To put Point in his place, "Leonard" proceeds to give him a steamy lesson in wooing, using Elsie (who now thinks she's a widow) as a subject.  Elsie obviously falls for him and he for her, so now Phoebe realizes that she can't play kissy face with her "brother" any more, and Jack Point realizes that he really has a problem with his love life.

Phoebe is so mad that she starts yelling at poor Shadbolt and inadvertently lets is slip out that "Leonard" is really "Fairfax."  Shadbolt is full of righteous indignation until she points out to him that he has just told the entire mixed chorus plus most of the principals that he had shot Fairfax in the head.

In order to keep the secret intact, Phoebe feels she has to agree to marry Shadbolt.   Just then, who should show up but the real Leonard with a reprieve for the real Fairfax!

Phoebe starts to kiss him which sets poor Shadbolt off again.  Phoebe no sooner has him calmed down when Sergeant Meryll drives up in that truck again and starts blathering about the reprieve and the plot to free Fairfax, never noticing that those busybodies, Dame Carruthers and Kate are standing up-stage center, taking notes again.

Dame Carruthers threatens to reveal the plot and get a cut rate on all of their heads unless the sergeant agrees to marry her.  So now he's trapped.   Talk about the old deja vu all over again.

So finally, we get a finale.  Elsie slips into her wedding dress ready to marry "Leonard," while the chorus goes on about "the pretty young bride" and her "Joy day unalloyed," etc.  This all comes to an abrupt halt when the leftenant walks in (preceded by a swell trumpet fanfare) and announces that Fairfax is not only alive, but he's a free man and looking for his wife!

Elsie is now so choked up that she can't bear to look at the man she secretly married.   Of course all comes up roses when he turns out to be her long-lost (for nearly 20 minutes) "Leonard."

The truck continues to idle outside waiting while the leftenant figures out what the blazes has just happened.

Finally everyone decides "no harm, no foul," and the only one left out is poor Woody, I mean Jack Point, who never could make that commitment.  Of course he could always go out with Kate and become an entry in her little notebook...

~Mike Storie