"This sort of thing takes a deal of training."
Here is the annual Paragraphs short version of the opera's plot for those
who find the libretto too long, its print too small, the words overly syllabic, or you
don't know what a libretto is to begin with. (Try to remember that libretti
is a kind of pasta served in library cafeterias.) This opera features a considerable
amount of jumping around on stage (some of which is actually in time to the music) and a
truly impressive amount of over-acting. So I wouldn't sit too close.
It all starts a couple of hundred years ago with a guy named Rupert Murgatroyd who
gets his jollies by burning witches. One of the witches takes it personally and lays
a curse on him. Because of the curse, he must commit a crime every day forever.
As soon as he fails to commit his daily crime, he dies in horrible agony.
Then it's his eldest son's turn.
Well, old Rupert starts off punctually enough but then feels guilty and stops.
Zap! He dies in horrible agony. His son, Jasper then
has to commit crimes until he decides to stop and dies in horrible agony. Then
Lionel commits crimes and dies in horrible agony, Conrad commits crimes and dies in
horrible agony, Desmond commits crimes and dies in horrible agony, Gilbert commits crimes
and dies in horrible agony, Mervyn commits crimes and dies in horrible agony, and Roderick
commits crimes and dies in horrible agony. (You're beginning to see why they call
this "comic" opera.)
The nearest town to Ruddygore Castle (where those bad Murgatroyds live) is called
Rederring. In addition to its mysterious but long-standing daily local crime wave,
Rederring is just about the only town in England with a company of endowed (another
NEA screw-up) professional bridesmaids who are worried that they are in for funding cuts
if someone doesn't get married soon.
The reason no one is getting married is that all the guys in town are hot for Rose
Maybud who is OK to look at but is a stuck-up little snot who carries around a book of
etiquette to make sure no one messes up. On top of that she talks like a fugitive
from a King James Bible and chooses her boy friends based on:
- Good manners
- Availability
- Who's got the most bucks.
In that order. (Did someone say gold-digger?)
The only local guy who meets her criteria is a wealthy farmer named Robin
Oakapple. He too has the hots for her but thinks she's too good for him. He
may have reason to think so since he has a bit of dirt in his own linen closet!
It turns out that he is one of those bad Murgatroyds but he fooled the curse by
running off to town and changing his name. (The administrator of the curse
apparently isn't the sharpest tool in the shed!) Consequently, his younger brother,
Despard, gets to commit crimes and die in horrible agony.
During all this, the desperate bridesmaids are trying to convince anyone
to get married, even Rose's old Aunt Hannah. Poor Hannah was once in love with one
of those Murgatroyds, but when she found out he was the baddest man in town she broke
their engagement. Oddly enough, he subsequently died in horrible agony.
Now there's only two people who know the truth about Robin - his old servant Adam
Goodheart and his foster brother Dick Dauntless who has been at sea in the Coast Guard for
10 years. Wouldn't you know it, but what should sail into the harbor at that very
moment but the good ship Tom-Tit with Dick on board. Tricky Dick has peed more salt
water than most sailors have seen, and as a result he is a little hard to understand in
casual conversation.
After a big welcome home party for Dick, Robin explains to him about how he is too
shy to talk to Rose Maybud. Dick volunteers to speak to her for him and Robin
agrees. Things get a little confused at this point because Dick can only talk salty
sailor talk which Rose keeps trying to look up in her etiquette book.
The real problem is that Dick falls for her himself, and ends up popping the
question. She accepts, but when it comes time to explain all this to Robin, Rose
suddenly realizes that (since he has a lot more money) she really loved Robin all the
time. So she backs out on Dick. Dick is not amused.
(At this point, a mezzo-soprano will wander in and have a nervous breakdown.
Pay her no never-mind. Those who have been in musical theater for some time
realize that this is not an unusual occurrence.)
So Rose and Robin are to be married (much to the relief of the bridesmaids) and
even nasty brother Despard shows up for the wedding. Despard, it turns out, is the
boyfriend of the above-mentioned mezzo-soprano.
Suddenly, a bunch of urban fops show up to hustle the local chicks.
Apparently, these guys haven't been able to get dates in the big city so they are trying
their pick-up lines on the country girls. The girls in turn are amused by the
attention and quickly dump the local clods. (The fact that the local girls have been
cleaning fish all day doesn't seem to register.)
The urban fops show the girls a good time by singing a madrigal about how there
are four seasons and some are better than others. During this, most of the orchestra
gets a head start on intermission.
Dick, meantime, has been fuming backstage ever since Rose dumped him so he decides
to stir the plot a bit by telling brother Despard who Robin really is. This has a
somewhat dampening effect on the wedding festivities.
So Robin now has to take on the Ruddygore curse and brother Despard is free to be
a good buy. Rose decides that she can't very well marry a cursed baronet, no matter
how rich, so she switches to Despard. But since he is now a good guy, he decides to
marry the crazy mezzo-soprano. Rose then naturally throws herself back on old Dick.
And someone has the common decency to drop the curtain on the whole mess.
After halftime, Robin has moved into the local castle and changed his name to Sir
Ruthven Murgatroyd. Not to be out-done, old Adam changes his name to Gideon
Crawle. They are desperately trying to figure out how to fulfill the curse and
commit a crime a day without getting caught. One problem is that they don't know how
bad a crime it has to be to satisfy the curse.
Dick and Rose wander in with a couple of stray bridesmaids and ask him if it's OK
if they get married. He reluctantly agrees and then retires to his picture gallery
to contemplate his forthcoming evil life.
While he's feeling sorry for himself, we get a big clap of thunder (or some other
cheap theatrics) and suddenly his ancestors in the portraits in the gallery turn into
ghosts and start walking around. It would appear that they want to know if he has
been bad enough this week.
Well, he starts waving his hands, claiming Monday was a holiday and stuff like
that. The bottom line is that he wasn't nearly bad enough.
The ghosts decide that the only way he can prove himself is to kidnap one of the
chicks from town. Either that, or it's time for the traditional dying in horrible
agony. After a short but dramatic demonstration of horrible agony, he decides to
send old Gideon for some townie take-out.
When Gideon leaves, Despard (the former bad guy) and his new wife (the ditzy
mezzo) show up. They are now working for DSHS and appeal to him to give up his
new-found evil ways even if it means he must die (you got it - in horrible agony).
They finally convince him, and to celebrate, they all try to sing faster than the
orchestra.
When Gideon gets home with the townie-to-go, Despard realizes his troubles have
just begun. The "girl" from town turns out to be Aunt Hannah! She is
more than a bit miffed and jumps out of the sack swinging a knife. Robin is
petrified and calls for help to the ghosts. His uncle Roderick steps down from his
picture frame to find out what the yelling is all about.
In a dramatically contrived theatrical coincidence, it turns out that Sir Roderick
is the baronet that Aunt Hannah had once been in love with and they rush into each other's
arms (The Victorian equivalent of those old shampoo commercials). Their only problem
is what happens if they should marry. Since he's dead, his bride would already be a
widow so she could immediately get married again (Perhaps some overtime for the
professional bridesmaids!)
While they are working this problem, Robin suddenly comes up with a legal
technicality of Simpsonian proportions. Because of the curse, refusing to commit a
crime is the same thing as committing suicide. But suicide is itself a crime.
So if they commit suicide they don't have to die. Ah Ha! You knew we would
encounter silliness somewhere didn't you?
So the ghosts all apply to the Supreme Court for writs of revivification and all
the town girls wander in at this point to get an opportunity to dance with the dead guys
before the final curtain.
--Mike Storie
