"Merely Corroborative detail . . ."
The Mikado is the sort of show that sends certain Congressional Committees right up the
wall. If it weren't a classic, you wouldn't let your children watch it on
Saturday mornings It would make a wonderful vehicle for a video game --
THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES MEET MADAME BUTTERFLY. For those of you who
can't wade through the whole plot by the time they dim the theater lights, here is a
quick sketch of what's really going to happen:
What's a Japanese teenager to do when his old man insists he marry an older
woman? (Particularly if she's got a face that would stop a bullet train.)
Add to this that father's word is law because he's the Emperor of Japan, that he's
politically quite a bit to the right of (well. . . you know who!), and he's also into
heavy discipline.
For example, he has passed some pretty stiff laws to keep young punks straight.
You can't even dye your hair puce anymore, or scribble on windowpanes, and don't even
think about cheating at billiards. What he's really hung up on though is
flirting!
All you gotta do is wink at someone and you're immediately beheaded! I mean
total bummer! Being fiscally conservative as well, the Emperor has restructured
and rightsized the judicial system so that all judges perform their own executions, thus
eliminating a lot of middle management fat.
The obvious answer, if you are inflicted with such a father, is to join the homeless
and find work as a street musician.
When the Emperor had his fun new laws executed (if you'll pardon the expression), a
bunch of pseudo-intellectual town fathers in a burb called "Titipu" came up with a
loophole you could drive a Mitsubishi through. Since the next guy on death
row in their town was a wimpy tailor who got caught flirting, they decide to promote him
to be Lord High Executioner. The scam was based on the rather thin legal
argument that, since he was next in line for beheading, he'd have to cut off his own
head before he could cut off anyone else's. This naturally stretched out
the already lengthy appeal process.
While living as a street person, the Emperors son, adopting the dubious name of
"Nanki-Poo," falls for a local groupie named Yum-Yum. (It used to be that
only certain high government officials could still get away with calling women things
like that.) Anyway, their romance doesn't get far because she is engaged
to marry her guardian, the above-mentioned wimpy tailor.
Now the bad news for the audience at this point is that even though I've laid all
these plot details on you, the opera hasn't even started yet! The Emperor's
son hears that the tailor has been condemned for flirting, but by the time he gets back
to Titipu, the tailor has been promoted to executioner and is about to marry Yum-Yum.
At this point we meet the all-time great role model for aspiring public servants,
a bureaucrat's bureaucrat named Pooh-Bah. Pooh-Bah will do or say anything
for an appropriate stipend -- sort of like some Arkansas Troopers. He
introduces Ko-Ko, the Lord High Executioner (nee tailor) who, it turns out, is now a man
with a social agenda. For example, if you've got flabby hands and peppermint
breath, you better hold on to your hat! (And anything you keep in it!)
Ko-Ko, it would also seem, is one of those guys with a strong interest in young
girls, all of whom seem to be suffering from terminal giggles. They really
get excited when they learn that Nanki-Poo is back in town. By the time
they straighten out what's happening, however, Nanki-Poo is back in the depths of
depression.
As part of his wedding preparations, Ko-Ko is busy bribing all of the city officials
(namely Pooh-Bah) so that he can get his wedding paid for. During all this,
a letter arrives from the Emperor, pointing out that there have been no executions in
Titipu for some time and they'd better get cracking.
Suddenly, Ko-Ko is faced with the somewhat unpleasant and technically complicated
task of cutting off his own head! His only way out is to quickly find a
substitute. Naturally, at this point, in walks poor depressed Nanki-Poo
with a rope in his hand. They quickly strike a simple bargain -- Nanki-Poo
can marry Yum-Yum tomorrow on the condition that he allow Ko-Ko to behead him at the
end of a month. Then, as a widow, Yum-Yum would be free to marry Ko-Ko.
This scheme pleases the townspeople and they launch into a celebration, when what
to their wondering eyes should appear, but Katisha, the aforementioned ugly older woman!
Although Katisha scares everyone half to death, they ignore her attempts to rat on
Nanki-Poo so she storms back to Tokyo to fetch the Emperor and while she's gone,
the audience can finally take a break.
When we rejoin the action, Yum-Yum is getting ready for her wedding and having to
endure only a few cute jokes from her girl friends about having her wedding plans
"cut short" at the end of the month. Unfortunately, Ko-Ko wanders in at
this point having just learned from his lawyer (Pooh-Bah -- again) that the fine
print in the Emperor's law says that if a married man is beheaded for flirting, his
wife must be buried alive! This news, in general, dampens the spirits of
the wedding party somewhat. Yum-Yum says, "let's call the whole thing off"
and Nanki-Poo goes despondent on us again.
Meantime, Katisha has fetched the Emperor and they are just coming into town.
Ko-Ko, assuming that the Emperor has arrived to see if an execution has taken place,
decides he had better come up with one. Nanki-Poo volunteers but Ko-Ko
still hasn't quite mastered his axe-swinging bit yet.
Suddenly he comes up with the bright idea of bribing all the city officials
(Yep -- Heeeer's Pooh-Bah!) into claiming that he had beheaded Nanki-Poo.
In order for this fabrication to hold up, they have to get Nanki-Poo out of town fast.
So the Archbishop of Titipu (name of Pooh-Bah) marries him to Yum-Yum and sends them
both packing.
Since the Emperor is a great fan of the efficacy of punishment, the detailed
description of the decapitation is well received up to the point where Katisha notices
the name "Nanki-Poo" on the death certificate. This of course, means that the
Emperor must conjure up a suitable punishment for person or persons who inadvertently
kill the heir to the throne of Japan. He decides that something lingering,
involving boiling oil and melted lead will suffice. While they are heating
the cauldrons, the Emperor does lunch.
Since Ko-Ko, Pitti-Sing and Pooh-Bah aren't particularly hungry, they find Nanki-Poo
and try to convince him to come back to life. Nanki-Poo refuses since if
Katisha discovers him still alive, she will insist on his and Yum-Yum's death.
They finally decide that the only possible way out of the problem is for Ko-Ko to woo,
win and marry Katisha during lunch!
Thus follows a whirlwind romance and a quickie wedding. The relieved
Emperor (he finds that not only is his son still alive but he won't have to put up
with Katisha as a daughter-in-law) decides that everything is most satisfactory,
and everyone dances off into the sunset in the inimitable Japanese way.
--Mike Storie
